Predators Survivor Hero

Julie Posey's life story was a featured movie on the Lifetime cable network. However, Julie's pain didn't end with the rolling credits. She struggled with healing and has just recently come to a place in her life where she feels stronger than ever.

Julie was sexually abused by a neighbor throughout most of her childhood and then just about the time this neighbor moved out of state, she became a victim to a serial rapist. He threatened her with a weapon and ordered her to get into his vehicle. He then took her to an abandoned warehouse parking lot and raped her. At first, Julie believed that this abuse was all her fault. She thought she did something to cause it. Therapists told Julie that the predator was at fault but somehow, in her young mind, she believed that she deserved this pain and would have to live with the emotional trauma and other effects forever.

Julie says, "The one thing that I believe helped me the most is finally reaching the point where I was able to talk about what happened to me. I learned from an early age not to tell the secret and I had kept the secret of my abuse buried deep inside me. Nobody knew much about what I had gone through until I was in my mid 30's."

She started her journey to healing by talking about the abuse to her family and my friends. Each time she told her story, Julie felt better and began to see that she had many people that love and support her. Every time Julie shared this pain she states, "I felt more in control of my own life."

Julie decided to write a book. It was her hope that if she shared her story, there would be people that would be encouraged by her story of survival and others would be better prepared to find ways to avoid becoming victims.

She states that "It does feel good to know that I don't have any secrets and those who once wished me harm and caused me pain are no longer able to control me. What I would like to share with the thousands of survivors of sexual abuse is that you too can heal. It is not easy to heal and there certainly isn't a fast cure. Healing is a lifelong process and there will always be a situation that pops up in your life that causes you to have the memories of your abuse. Those memories, feelings, and emotions will never go away entirely but with some help from a support network of people that love and care about you, you can learn to face them and not let the thoughts and memories control you."

Today, Julie works as a computer crime investigator for local law enforcement. She has been trained to find evidence of crimes including child sexual abuse on computers and other electronic devices. That evidence is then used by police and prosecutors to charge those suspected of cyber crimes and make them face criminal charges. Julie is a true Predators Survivor Hero! Thank you for all you do to make a difference!

For more information on Julie's book, please go to: www.julieposey.com.

Are you a Predators Survivor Hero? Do you know someone that was a victim of crime and has moved beyond his or her situation to make a difference for others? If so, we want to hear from you about this true survivor! Please send your suggestions to us via our Contact Us page.

Hope For Healing

I have a young friend. She is beautiful, peaceful, and thriving. I see awesome potential for her life and take pleasure in watching her excel both academically (she's a voracious reader) and artistically. She has her sights set on becoming a medical doctor, and I am confident that she will accomplish whatever she puts her mind to.

But it has not always been so. In fact, at one time, I feared for her life. Not only was her health in peril, but her spirit, her spark was being snuffed out. She wanted to die.

The reason is violence. Violence not completely unlike what we've seen recently in the world. Violence that wounds, hurts, thwarts, and destroys, large or small scale, claiming victims. I have an indelible image in my mind of my little friend running from her father's wrath and rage against her mother, terror in her eyes, running to the lake to drown her self to escape his violence.

As an advocate for victims of domestic violence, I have seen too many families needing emergency shelter because of violence in their homes. I see the effects of terror in the women's and children's faces that come to me for help: trauma symptoms of hypersensitivity, anxiety, eating and sleeping disorders - to name a few. Research suggests that consistent exposure to trauma prohibits growth and healthy development and promotes disorder, and emotional truncation. Behavioral problems in children often result, with the risk of violence becoming trans-generational. Children in violent homes where there is abuse and/or rejection are six times more likely to commit suicide and 60 times more likely to engage in delinquency. Rejection is debilitating like a psychological cancer.

Erick H. Erikson says, "The most deadly of all possible sins in the mutilation of a child's spirit."

But I am hopeful. Due to recent events in our country, I am seeing an energetic vigilance to protect - protect our citizenry, protect our loved ones. Recently, I heard statistics on what Americans are feeling since the terrorist attacks. I was relieved to hear that over 70% of those polled feel they are treating people "nicer."

I am happy to report that my young friend is no longer in danger. Her mother is providing a safe, nurturing environment for her and her siblings; they are all doing very well. The scars she will always have, but healing has and is continuing to take place.

It is my hope that people everywhere, during this time of threat and uncertainty, will hear the clarion call to end violence, worldwide, and on the home front. May our compassion for those around us transcend barriers and inhibitions as we work together to end violence.

Mother Teresa put it best when she said, "What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family."

Holly Peacock Hickey - MFTI

Home SAFE Home

First, if at home during the night and you hear an intruder, DO NOT turn on the lights to your house or apartment at-first. Reason being, you know where your furniture is, but they do not (obstacle course). Instead, if you have access to the light switch for the room they are in and can reach it unnoticed, cover your own eyes and then rapidly switch the lights on and off to disrupt the rods and cones in their eyes that regulate pupil dilation. This will give them temporary blindness, leaving you in a better position to escape. The same can be accomplished with a flashlight (especially high-powered) targeted at the intruder's eyes.

In all cases, make sure you have your cell phone with you and you dial 911 immediately.

Jeff McKissack
www.DefenseByDesign.com

Survivors Corner

Thank you for writing - we love hearing from you! Each month we will post your thoughts and suggestions for healing in this section of the newsletter.

The traumatic effects of childhood sexual abuse encompass the mind, body and spirit. A major tragedy is that survivors don't always recognize those effects or the toll it is taking on them. While some trauma leaves a physical wound that will eventually scar, childhood sexual abuse leaves wounds on the inside and the scars are hidden from view. The injuries are deep and too much for our young minds to process. Our brains have wonderful coping capabilities that can allow us to live through trauma seemingly unscathed. As we mature, even though it is a wonderful ability, the coping mechanisms and survivor skills that we learned, developed, and honed are no longer necessary. They become such an interwoven part of our personality that we don't even see these "skills", it's just who we are. But…it's NOT who you are…it is what you were forced to become and forced to learn. Although useful at one time, most of these skills are probably causing distress of many kinds and if recognized, can be thought through and discarded.

Recognition and awareness are crucial catalysts to bringing us down the road of recovery. If we don't allow ourselves to become aware of the "ties that bind" how can we expect to release those ties?

One of the most crippling effects that so often go unrecognized is triggers. Triggers can be anything from flashbacks to a smell. A trigger is a connection to a past event as I will explain below.

The human memory is a series of links in a chain, sort of like the ones we made out of paper as children for our Christmas tree. Each link represents a memory, either tangible or perceptual, and each memory connects to another. A memory of one link can be traced to a distant link at the other end of the chain by simply making an association. A small example of this memory connection happened to me one spring morning. It had to do with the physical abuse I suffered as a child. Sitting on my deck and enjoying the birds singing, the smell of lilacs drifted my way. At first, I took the scent in and breathed deeply of the aroma. Over the next 10 minutes, I noticed my mood shift and I became very sad and had feelings of self loathing and defeat. My thoughts started changing and instead of enjoying my yard I once again hated my life. Thanks to years of therapy, I knew that when these mood changes happened there was a "trigger" somewhere to be found. I sat quietly and followed my thoughts beginning with the smell. I was able to make the appropriate connections and the chain went something like this. The smell of the lilacs reminded me of the smell that would waft in through the doors of the doctor's office I once worked in, which reminded me of the year I was pregnant, which reminded me of my son. That reminded me of the house I used to live in, which reminded me of how horrible my life was and the beatings I endured from my abusive husband. That then made me mad at myself for the choice I had made in my spouse, which reminded me of WHY I made the choice I did (the physical abuse of my past) which reminded me of my dad, and how I would run outside to the yard to get away from him. I would hide so he couldn't find me. Where did I hide? You guessed it… under the beautiful lilac bush. In the blink of an eye, I was changed by one tiny aroma.

Before I was able to recognize my moods, feelings and triggers, I used to be angry, sad or guilty and not know why. By being aware of my thoughts, surroundings, and body, I was able to process through the torment I was feeling. I could then consciously make the decision not to allow myself to go down a road that need not be traveled ever again. That does not mean that I won't go back there again. I will, eventually, smell a lilac, but now that I know where that road can lead, I will not allow it to effect the happiness, joy and contentment that I deserve.

If you have something to share, please send it to us via our Contact Us page.

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