Vigilance in Public Restrooms

I am always impressed by the dichotomies within our everyday living. In chemistry we learned as children: to every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. This is also true within our society. Take for example using our computers to provide jobs, linking us globally and improving our quality of life. Indeed, predators also use the same mediums for communicating with our children or searching for other sexual prey. In truth, many of them are far more adept at luring children on the internet than we are at catching them.

Having studied and interviewed many sexual predators and sex offenders over the course of my career I can say unequivocally that a war is being waged against our children by people who have learned, in their own minds, to neutralize any and all damage inflicted upon children. Other predators, who are not in denial, simply do not care. The continuum in the variation of sex offenders and sexual predators is extensive. Let's take a look at one type of offender who sometimes directly preys upon children while at other times children become victims because they end up in the right place but at the wrong time. These are the men who frequent public restrooms in search of anonymous sexual partners. We know from research (via video recordings, interviews of offenders and researchers who have gone to these restrooms to observe the sexual acting out of these men) that about half the men are married to female spouses and the other half are either homosexual or bi-sexual. They come from all walks of life including school teachers, administrators, correctional officers, truck drivers, business owners, etc.

We also know that the sexual exchanges between these males are consensual, free of charge, and completely anonymous. This last concept is the hallmark of these offenders. No words are ever spoken. All transactions are made through eye contact and body movement. Often these men will frequent the same bathrooms for years until law enforcement forces them to go elsewhere. When caught they often are in denial of wrongdoing and those who do admit their activities claim the right to use the bathrooms as they please. This argument, as you know, is problematic on so many levels. What is of greatest concern to you is what happens when your 10 year old needs to use the restroom at a public park or in a department store that has been designated by these offenders as gathering places for group sex? It means that your child will walk into a bathroom where men are engaging in sexual acts. Offenders often engage in sexual acts in full view of persons entering the washroom for legitimate reasons.

Every city has restrooms designated by these offenders as places for sexual contacts. Many of these bathrooms are easily found on the internet. I know of one attorney in California who proudly lists many of these locations on his website. He believes that such men have the legal right to engage in sexual activities in public restrooms as long as it does not "offend" those in the bathroom not interested in such behavior. Whether I see them or not I am offended just knowing they are there. Commonly law enforcement monitors restrooms where such crimes are being committed but they cannot even begin to control this ugly scourge. Parents must be extremely aware of where their children go alone in public places. As parents we must be vigilant in protecting our children from such disgusting encounters. These are men so pathetic, so bereft of personal intimacy that they choose to seek sexual contact in bathrooms. This can be summed up in one word: gross.

Eric Hickey, Ph.D.
Criminal Psychologist &
Crime Consultant

Be sure to follow Dr. Hickey's online blog.

Previous Commentaries

August 2006
July 2006